What No One Told You About Pregnancy: It Can Be So Lonely

Pregnancy! It's a time filled with anticipation, excitement, and joy.

But amidst the flutter of baby kicks and dreams of nursery décor, there's a quieter reality that often goes unspoken: the loneliness that can accompany this transformative journey. As a mom and a doula with years of experience supporting expectant parents, I've witnessed (and experienced firsthand) the profound impact loneliness can have during pregnancy. So, let's talk about it.

First and foremost, it's essential to acknowledge that feeling lonely during pregnancy is entirely normal – and more common than you might think. Despite being surrounded by well-wishers, family, and friends, many expectant parents grapple with a sense of isolation. This loneliness can stem from a variety of sources:

• The Physical and Emotional Toll One of the primary contributors to pregnancy loneliness is the physical and emotional toll it takes on the body. As your belly grows and your hormones fluctuate, you may find yourself experiencing a myriad of discomforts — from morning sickness and fatigue to mood swings and body aches. These physical symptoms can leave you feeling drained and disconnected from your pre-pregnancy self, making it challenging to engage fully in social interactions.

• An Emotional Rollercoaster The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy is another significant contributor to feelings of loneliness. As you navigate the exhilarating highs (yay, my baby kicked for the first time!) and unexpected tears of this journey, you might find yourself longing for someone who truly understands the complexities of your experience. While well-meaning friends and family offer their support, there are moments when you feel like no one truly "gets it” because they aren’t pregnant with you.

• Relationship and Societal Dynamics The changing dynamics of relationships during pregnancy can exacerbate feelings of isolation. Some friends may drift away, unable to relate to your new reality, while others may unintentionally invalidate your experiences with well-meaning but misguided advice. If that wasn’t enough, societal pressures and expectations surrounding pregnancy can further compound feelings of loneliness. From the pressure to maintain a “glowing” appearance to the expectation of effortlessly juggling work and family life, the relentless pursuit of perfection can leave expectant parents feeling inadequate and alone. 

So, what can I do to combat pregnancy loneliness?

One thought that tends to resonate with many pregnant people at this time is, "I'm so alone. No one else can do this but me." If this hits a little too close to home, I get it because (in a way) it's true — only you can grow this little life. But this thought is also a slippery slope that narrows your perspective. Your loved ones can support you, but if you're feeling alone, it's likely no one knows that but you. If you are feeling lonely, reach out to someone you love. You don't have to tell them how you feel if you don't want to, but just being around someone and laughing with them can help you turn that previous statement into, "No one else can do this but me, but I am supported in this journey."

If you don’t want to reach out to someone close to you or you’re looking for additional support, there is a vast network of support available to help you navigate the ups and downs of pregnancy. Whether it's joining a prenatal yoga class, connecting with other expectant mothers online through forums like What to Expect, or seeking the guidance of a compassionate doula, there are many ways to find community.

As a doula, my mission is to provide expectant parents with the support and guidance they need to navigate pregnancy with confidence. From offering a listening ear to providing practical assistance during labor and delivery, I am here to walk alongside my clients every step of the way, offering empathy, encouragement, and unwavering support. If you’re looking for a doula, I’m happy to support you through your birth journey.

If you’re struggling with loneliness, know you aren’t alone in this feeling. Many expectant parents have walked this same path so lean on their experience. You don’t have to feel alone. 

Fostering unity in childbirth through compassionate care and evidence-based support.